It happens every year like clockwork. The exam results are announced, and within minutes, the family WhatsApp group comes alive. A screenshot of someone’s 95% appears. Then another photo of a rank certificate. Then a message celebrating “our topper.” The emojis multiply. The congratulations pile up. And somewhere in the middle of all this noise, your child is checking their own result on their phone, scrolling through this same group, watching themselves measured against every other kid in the family. Nobody talks about this part. But nobody mentions the thing happening in your pocket right now—the way a simple notification from that group can turn your child’s entire day dark. The way a casual remark from an uncle, meant as encouragement, lands like a punch. The way your own pride in sharing your child’s achievement can feel like pressure to them.Ms. Divya Mohindroo, Counselling Psychologist at Embrace Imperfections, sees this happen constantly in her practice. “As a psychologist, I see how non-stop notifications, marks comparisons, and unnecessary remarks slowly increase a child’s stress,” she explains. “The feeling of constantly being judged and monitored has extreme psychological effects on the child’s mind and causes physical issues too.”
When private becomes public
Result day used to be something between a child and their family. Your kid would come home, you’d look at the marks, maybe celebrate at dinner. A few relatives might call to ask how it went. But now? Results hit a family group and instantly become a public evaluation. Sharani Ponguru, a transformational coach and educator, describes what she’s witnessing: “Board exam pressure is no longer limited to classrooms or study tables. It has silently moved into family WhatsApp groups—spaces that were meant for connection but have unknowingly become arenas of comparison.”This is the shift nobody prepared for. These groups were created to stay connected, to share photos of new grandchildren and coordinate family events. But they’ve become something else. They’ve become scoreboards. And your child is now playing on that scoreboard whether they wanted to or not.Think about what happens from a child’s perspective. They open their phone to check their result. They see it. Their stomach might drop or their heart might race depending on what the number is. They need a moment to process it. But instead of that moment, they’re immediately exposed to a feed of other children’s numbers. Eighty-five. Ninety-two. Ninety-eight. The comparison happens before they’ve even told their parents. And it happens on repeat, every time someone new in the group decides to share.Ms. Mohindroo has watched the psychological toll mount. “Parents not interrupting this causes further suffering for the child,” she says. “Children begin to associate their worth to their marks. This is the quickest way to crush a child’s dignity.”The problem isn’t the marks themselves. The problem is what families attach to them. When your child sees their 78% followed immediately by their cousin’s 92%, they’re not just seeing numbers. They’re seeing a narrative being written about them. They’re being ranked. They’re losing.
The pressure that doesn’t sound like pressure
The insidious part is that this pressure doesn’t come with a megaphone. It doesn’t announce itself. It comes quietly. It comes in the form of a forward message that went around the family group about which college took how many students this year. It comes in a casual mention that “even your neighbor’s son scored 88.” It comes in the silence that follows when you post your child’s 73% and nobody reacts the way they did when someone else posted their 95%.Ponguru describes this so clearly: “Pressure is not always loud. Sometimes, it is subtle. It comes in the form of forwarded messages, indirect comparisons, and casual remarks that parents don’t think twice about. But for a child, it creates a narrative—’I am being evaluated.'”This is what parents aren’t grasping. They think they’re just sharing. They think they’re being supportive or proud. They don’t realize that their child is reading a completely different message. The message is: “I matter when I win. I matter when I’m better than others. My value depends on whether I’m at the top of this list.”And that belief is toxic. It sticks with children. It shapes how they approach challenges for years. They start to believe that their worth is conditional. That they’re only good enough if they’re the best. That failure is a reflection of who they are, not just what happened on one particular day in an exam hall.
What children actually need
Here’s what makes this even more complicated. Parents think they’re motivating their children by sharing results and comparing them favorably. They think it will inspire others to do better. They think the competition will drive performance upward. But according to Ms. Mohindroo, that’s backwards. “Comparison doesn’t motivate them to do better,” she says. “It quietly diminishes their confidence.”What children actually need at this moment is something almost the opposite of what the WhatsApp groups are providing. They need privacy. They need reassurance. They need to know that their identity isn’t tied to a number.Ms. Mohindroo is clear about what this looks like: “The most important is for parents to provide understanding and reassurance to their child at this time. Sense of safety and feeling seen sets a strong foundation for the child to improve his performance, knowing they would be appreciated for their hard work not just result will make them do well.”“Many children internalise the belief that their value is contingent on marks, leading to heightened anxiety, sleep disturbances, irritability, or withdrawal during this period. It is important to recognise that this stress is not just about exams; it is about perceived acceptance, comparison, and fear of disappointing significant others. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in shaping how children experience this phase. Emotional regulation in adults often sets the tone for children. When parents respond with reassurance, perspective, and unconditional regard, it helps buffer the psychological impact of results. On the other hand, excessive focus on outcomes, comparison with peers, or visible disappointment can reinforce shame and inadequacy,” says Nandita Kalra, Supervising Counselling Psychologist at Rocket Health.This is what parents should be focusing on right now. Not the public sharing. Not the celebration in the family group. Not how their child compares to cousins and neighbors. Just: Is my child safe at home? Do they know I love them regardless of the marks? Do they believe they’re enough even when they didn’t do as well as they’d hoped?
The real issue: What gets attached to marks
Ponguru articulates something crucial that parents need to hear: “The problem is not the marks. The problem is what we attach to those marks. When families celebrate percentages more than effort, when conversations revolve around ‘who scored more,’ we unintentionally teach children that their value is conditional.”This is the distinction that matters. Your child getting a 78% isn’t the tragedy. The tragedy is what happens to their self-perception when they see that 78% shared in a family group and watched everyone else’s reactions—or lack thereof. The tragedy is learning that this number determines their worth.Sharani Ponguru ends with something that should sit with every parent right now: “Your pride can feel like pressure to your child.”Let that land for a moment. The pride you feel in sharing your child’s achievement? That can feel like weight to them. Your excitement about their marks? That can feel like a demand to always achieve that level. Your celebration in a public space? That can feel like judgment about what happens when they don’t.
What needs to change
Ms. Mohindroo has a concrete suggestion that’s also a barrier—because it requires parents to do something that feels unnatural: “Keep result discussions private. Avoid sharing marks in family groups without your child’s consent.”This sounds simple but it’s radical. It means sitting with the urge to post and resisting it. It means letting your child be the one to decide if and when their achievement gets shared. It means understanding that their privacy matters more than your moment of pride.It also means something harder. It means changing what you celebrate. Instead of posting “My son scored 92%,” it means being proud of the effort he put in. It means noticing that he sat with his anxiety. It means seeing that he didn’t give up even when he didn’t understand something.This is what actually builds confidence. This is what actually helps a child improve. Not comparison. Not public evaluation. Not the running commentary of an entire extended family watching and judging and measuring.
The foundation that matters
Ponguru puts it plainly: “Marks create outcomes. But environments create mindsets. And a child who feels ‘not enough’ at home will carry that belief far beyond any exam result.”Your home can either be another place where your child is being judged. Or it can be the one place where they’re safe from judgment. That choice is happening right now. Every time you see that WhatsApp group lighting up with results, you have a choice. You can contribute to the noise. Or you can step back and protect your child’s sense of self.Make sure that voice is kind.
